Glass
by LivForever
Summary: Elliot & Olivia have recently had their first child and things are going great. Serena offers to baby sit while Elliot & Olivia work but, what happens when Serena goes out of control one night and takes it out on baby Caleb? Sequel to 'Wasted.'
1. Chapter 1

**Elliot & Olivia have recently had their first child and things are going great. Serena offers to baby sit while Elliot & Olivia work but, what happens when Serena goes out of control one night and takes it out on baby Caleb? Sequel to 'Wasted.'**

Elliot sat on the couch and watched as his wife was fixing a bottle for their son before his bed time. He didn't realize he had a smile on his face until Olivia pointed it out.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked pouring the formula into the baby bottle.

"You."  
She just laughed and continued with her Mommy duties. She placed the bottle in the microwave for fifteen seconds and waited for the beep before taking it out and testing it on her arm.

"Are you sure you want to go back to work tomorrow?" Elliot asked as he handed over Caleb to Olivia.

"I'm sure," she said placing the bottle into the baby's mouth, "I'm ready."

"Aren't you nervous about leaving Caleb?"

"Of course," Olivia said looking up at him, "That's going to be tough. I'll probably think about him all day," she said honestly, "But I'm ready to come back."

Elliot sighed. They had discussed how they would go about working before and Elliot had hoped that Olivia would retire so she could stay home with the baby. Or at least get a less dangerous job. He didn't like the idea of both of his parents being put at risk everyday.

"It will be fine," Olivia said sensing that he was a worried, "My mom is going to watch him until one of us picks him up."

"I know," Elliot said focusing on Caleb.

Olivia took the bottle out of Caleb's mouth and propped him on her shoulder so that she could burp him. It only took a few pats on the back and then Elliot was taking him off to bed. The nursery had come the room where they spent the most time in, especially Olivia. Since Elliot had to return to work soon after the delivery of Caleb, Olivia was the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed and change him. It had become routine to her.

Elliot's routine had been putting Caleb to bed. After Olivia fed him, Elliot woul carry him into the nursery and change his diaper and put him into a sleeper. Then he would turn the little blue lamp on that was on the white dresser next to the crib. He would sit down in the rocking chair and wait until Caleb fell asleep to leave. After Caleb had fallen asleep, Elliot joined Olivia in their bed. He watched as she stripped down into her night time attire and Olivia caught him staring.

"Not tonight Stabler," she said pulling her shorts up, "We have work tomorrow."

"I was just looking," he said innocently.

Olivia gave him a look and then crawled under the covers on her side of the bed as Elliot did on his side. She turned out the lamp that was on her side of the room and they both closed their eyes.

"Are you sure you want your mom to watch Caleb?" Elliot said after a few minutes of debating it in his head.

Olivia sighed, "She's sober now," Olivia said sternly, "You know that and I know that. She's good to him so, yes, I'm sure."

"I was just asking," Elliot said defending himself.

"Well stop," Olivia said getting slightly agitated, "It will be fine. Now go to sleep."

Elliot huffed and closed his eyes for sleep but he had something else he wanted to say. "Liv, I love you."

"Love you too," she mumbled. She was already half way asleep.

Now Elliot could have a peaceful sleep knowing that they weren't going to bed mad at each other. Or at least peaceful until Caleb woke up crying because he was hungry. Elliot wished he was a baby sometimes so Olivia would pay attention to him like she did Caleb. He saw the way she looked at Caleb and how her face lit up every time they talked about him. He didn't doubt she loved him, he just figured they needed some time together away from the baby every once in awhile.

The next morning everybody was feeling rushed. Olivia had to rush in the shower to get done so Elliot could have his turn while she fed Caleb for breakfast. Then when Elliot got out he had to hold Caleb while she got dressed and did her hair and make-up. They made it out the door a little later than planned but, they weren't late yet. They stopped at Serena's house and took Caleb and his car seat out of the car so they could drop him off.

"Aw, look at my little man," Serena said smiling as she unbuckled his buckle and gently lifted him out of the seat, "He looks so cute in monkey hat.

"He's due to eat again at eleven," Olivia said handing her mother the diaper bag and the list that had everything that Serena needed to know written down. Olivia had made sure she didn't forget anything because on the inside, she was a little nervous with letting her watch her son. She didn't know how Serena could handle the responsibility but, Olivia was willing to give her a chance.

"Okay," Serena said sitting the diaper bag down on the couch, "You two have a good day at work."

Olivia was going to turn around and leave but, she just couldn't yet. She needed to give Caleb one last kiss.

"I'll be back as soon as I get off work," she said in her silly baby voice that she always used to talk to him with.

"Bye," Serena waved as Elliot and Olivia walked out of the door together.

Once they were inside the car, Elliot looked over and saw that Olivia was a bit teary eyed.

"What's wrong?"

"I miss him," she said feeling silly after the words came out of her mouth.

"Aw, I know Liv," Elliot said trying to comfort her, "But like you said, we will see him as soon as we get off work."

"That's a long time," Olivia said wiping angrily at her eyes.

"Well, maybe the boss will let you leave a little early," he smiled.

Olivia smiled, "Being married to the boss does have it's advantages."

"Like dirty sex," Elliot sneered.

"Honey," Olivia said, "Inappropriate."


	2. Chapter 2

**Things to know: 'Wasted' ended a year later after all of the problems with Olivia and the wedding. She already had the baby so it has been 1 year and 2 months that Serena has been sober.**

"Good to have you back," Fin said leaning against the corner of Olivia's desk.

"Good to be back," she said, "How was it here without me?"

"Just terrible," Fin smiled.

"Liv," Elliot said walking out of his office, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Olivia darted her eyes toward Elliot and then told Fin she would talk to him later. "What's up?" she asked Elliot.

"Your mom just called," Elliot said sitting down in his chair.

"What did she want?" Olivia asked with a quizzical look on her face.

"She needs you to pick Caleb up," Elliot sighed, "She didn't say why but, you better go get him."  
"I'll be back," Olivia said turning to lave.

"Just go home Liv," Elliot sighed, "I'll be home by dinner."  
Olivia was going to say something but, she just closed the door behind her. She felt like Elliot was angry at her for something and she didn't know what. It wasn't like they had much of a choice with babysitters and Olivia refused to put him in daycare. She climbed into the driver's seat of their fairly new Sadan and drove the route to her mother's house.

"Mom," Olivia called knocking on the door, "Unlock the door."

Olivia stood their a moment figuring that Serena was just tending to Caleb but, when she heard the sound of shattering glass she got worried. She stepped back and raised her leg to kick the door down. Olivia was shocked at what she saw.

"Mom," Olivia said forcing the lump in her throat away, "What's going on?"

"He wouldn't stop crying," Serena said lifting the bottle to her lips, "I tried everything," she said, "He just wouldn't shut up."

Olivia's eyes examined the room for Caleb but she didn't see him anywhere. "Where's Caleb?"

Serena laughed and took another gulp of her Vodka before pointing to the couch. Little Caleb was lying there quietly asleep with his binky in his mouth and the blanket wrapped tightly around him. Olivia walked over to the couch and picked him up to place him in his car seat. Olivia quickly gathered all of Caleb's things and left the house without saying another word to Serena. She buckled Caleb's car seat into the back seat of the car and climbed into the driver's side. She placed her elbow's on the steering wheel and buried her face in her hands. She couldn't believe it. She thought her mom was finally going to change her life around. She had hope and now she watched it shatter as she looked at Caleb who was still quietly sleeping the back seat. She took a deep breath and wiped the tears away from her eyes and then put the keys in the ignition.

When she got home she put Caleb in his crib and then decided to clean out his diaper bag. She was angry at her mother and disappointed in the least. She didn't know what she was going to do about work and she had a million different things running through her mind. She walked to the kitchen getting ready to dump Caleb's bottles down the sink when she smelled the all familiar smell of wine. She looked down at the cranberry juice she had packed just in case Caleb needed it and she brought it to her nose to smell it.

"Son of a bitch," she said quietly. Her mother had dumped the juice out and replaced it with red wine. Olivia was livid. She took the bottle and threw it against the nearest wall causing Caleb to wake up and start crying. Olivia sunk to the floor in the kitchen and let out a silent cry before she went to get him up.

Back at the precinct, Elliot had a few minutes of free time so he walked outside and called Olivia to see how her an Caleb were doing.

"Everything going okay?" Elliot asked when Olivia answered her phone.

"No," Olivia said after stuffing a bottle of milk into Caleb's mouth, "It's not. I need you to come home."  
"Liv," Elliot said sitting down on a step, "I can't. I'm working."

"I need you to come home," she said again, "Please. Ask Munch to take over. I need you home."

"Okay," Elliot said calmly, "I'll be there in a few. Are you crying? Liv, what happened at your mom's house?"

"Just please come home," Olivia said again.

Elliot hung up the phone and placed it back into his pocket. He asked Munch if he would be willing to take over for the day and he said he would be delighted. Elliot rushed home as fast as he could with all the traffic and flew quickly up the steps so he could see Olivia.

"What happened at your mom's?" Elliot asked sitting down next to her and wrapping his arm around her.

Olivia choked back a sob before answering, "She was drunk."  
Elliot sighed, he knew this day would happen again. "Liv," he said sadly, "I'm sorry."

"She filled his bottle with wine," Olivia cried out, "Can you believe that? I thought I could trust her and she does this…"

"I know," Elliot said rubbing her arm with his hand, "I know and I'm sorry."

Olivia was pretty upset for the rest of the day and she spent it sulking around the house in her pajamas. Elliot took on the responsibility of Caleb and let Olivia take a nap in the bedroom. He figured she needed it after her morning and when Olivia didn't turn it down he had been surprised. Now he was sitting in the living room with Caleb sitting in his baby swing and watching a football game.

wouldn't have a nightmare.

_"You selfish bitch! Why are you doing this? You can't leave me!" Serena was outraged. She dropped her bottle to the ground causing the glass to shatter everywhere. "Take it back," Serena said, "Take it back or I… I… I'll throw this at you." She picked a shard of glass off the floor and held it in her hand._

_Olivia was frightened, "Please stop."_

_"Take it back! You can't move out! I need you."_

_"I'm sorry," Olivia said. She picked up the last box that was left and started toward the door._

_"I warned you," Serena said letting the glass slip out of her hand._

_Olivia dropped the box and slid to the floor desperately gasping for air. The glass had dug deep into her back and Olivia felt her breath slipping away._

Olivia woke up and her hand went straight to her neck where she was gasping for air. She couldn't believe it was happening again. The nightmares were suppose to be gone. All of them. Now here she was in bed, crying and barely able to catch her breath. Then all of sudden she felt angry. This wasn't suppose to happen to her again and now it was. Her mother was suppose to get better for her and now she was drinking again. Then Olivia thought back to when her mother was visiting her at the hospital.

_"I love you sweetie," Serena said to Olivia, "I love you and I don't ever want to lose you."_

Olivia scoffed at the memory and stomped out of bed rushing to the bathroom. She lift the toilet seat up just in time for her lunch to come up. That's how sick her mother had made her and she hoped her mother realized what she was doing before it happened again.

"Liv?" Elliot asked tapping on the bathroom door lightly, "Are you okay?"

"Go away," she said harshly.

"Liv," Elliot said again keeping his cool, "I'm coming in." Elliot opened the door and found Olivia sitting with her back up against the wall with tears pouring out of her eyes.

"Liv," he whispered sitting down next to her, "It's okay." He pulled her into his embrace and let her cry in chest.

"It's not," Olivia said, "This isn't suppose to be happening. We are suppose to have a happy ending. What happened to that? What happened to my mother wanting to get better for me?"

"We can still have a happy ending honey," Olivia said rubbing her back, "Maybe the stress of Caleb was just too much."

Olivia sniffed and let out a shaky breath, "Just like I was always too much. She couldn't handle it. I should have never taken Caleb over there. This is my fault. Again!"

"Honey," Elliot said, his heart was breaking for Olivia as he watched and listened to what she had to say. He didn't understand why fate was never on Olivia's side, "This isn't your fault. Do you hear me? It's not your fault. It never was. Please stop crying. I can't see your gorgeous eyes when you cry."

Olivia lifted her head away from Elliot and he offered her a sad smile, "You want to come into the living room? I made some lunch."

She nodded and Elliot helped her get off the floor. He hated Olivia's mother and he always had. He never truly believed that she would get better because she had been an alcoholic for a long time. He wished Serena would just stay out of their lives for good, maybe then Olivia wouldn't have to be going through this. He thought about sneaking over to Serena's house tonight while Olivia was asleep and maybe tell her that he caught a case. He wanted to teach Serena a lesson and he knew Olivia wouldn't approve but, he didn't care. Nobody messed with his family.

**Will Elliot's temper get the best of him?**


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you doing?" Olivia mumbled, barely awake.

"I have to go into work for a bit," Elliot whispered, "I'll be back soon." He leaned over to Olivia's side of the bed and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, "You won't even know I'm gone."

Of course Olivia believed that's where he was going because she had no reason not too. Elliot on the other hand couldn't even think about work when Serena had pissed him off so bad. He grabbed his keys and his badge just in case, and headed the way to Serena's brownstone.

"You bitch," he said through clenched teeth when Serena finally staggered to the door, "You think you have to right to do this? All those years Olivia never left your side because she cared! She was the only one who cared! Even when she was suppose to be focusing on herself she was worried about you getting sober! You owe her everything and this is what you do? When things get a little to hard or stressful you lean for the damn bottle!" Elliot had backed Serena up against the back wall in the living room and was yelling in her face, he wasn't done talking and he wasn't going to let her get a word in edgewise.

"You could have had your life back," he continued, "You could have had a family who loved you and cared about you and today… today you threw that away. Don't expect to be seeing your grandson again and I doubt if Olivia ever wants to step foot near year. As far as I'm concerned, you don't exist." When Elliot was done yelling he acted like he was going to strike Serena right in the face, but he was better than that. He shook his head in shame and then turned to leave, slamming the door shut behind him. What he didn't know was Serena had been sober.

She had heard every word that Elliot screamed at her and she didn't think she would ever forget it. She had tears pooling in her eyes and she had to call Olivia to apologize.

Olivia didn't even bother looking at her caller I.D on her cell phone because the only person that called her this late was Elliot.

"Benson," she mumbled.

"Olivia," Serena said with a shaky voice, "We need to talk."  
Olivia sighed and sat upright in the bed so she could hold the phone better to her ear, "About what?"

"I'm sorry," Serena cried, "I know that what I did was wrong and I am so sorry. I just…"

"Save it," Olivia said harshly into the phone, "You have apologized so man times and you haven't lived up to anything you have ever said. I thought that we had moved on but, it doesn't look like you have."

"Honey, I'm sorry."

"Stop," Olivia said, "I'm done. I can't do anymore. Bye." Olivia hung up the phone and sat it back on the nightstand. She let out a deep breath and buried her face in her hands. She was tired of dealing with everything, especially her mother. She was about to lay back down when she heard Elliot walk in the front door. He came walking quietly into the bedroom, figuring Olivia would be asleep. He was surprised when he saw that she was sitting up.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" he wondered crawling back into bed.

"You went to her house," Olivia stated sadly, "Why?"

"Liv," he said, "I didn't want her to get away with doing what she did. She hurt you and that hurts me. She hurt our son!"

Elliot could hear Olivia choke back a sob and he immediately felt bad. "Look, Liv, I know I wasn't solving anything but, she deserves to get yelled at. Somebody has to point out to her that what she is doing is wrong."

"I just… I don't know anymore. I thought that if I stayed by her side and gave her a chance she would get better. For me. Obviously I'm not good enough for that."

"Olivia," Elliot said firmly yet gentle, "You are good enough for that. She isn't good enough for you to waste the worry on."

"Let's just go to bed," Olivia said, "I'm tired and I don't feel like arguing."

Elliot watched her as she laid back down and snuggled up to her pillow. He felt bad that she couldn't live a happy normal life. He sighed before he did the same thing and snuggled to his pillow.

"Goodnight," he whispered, "I love you."

"Love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Elliot had woken up to Caleb crying. He knew there was a bottle of milk already made in the fridge so he climbed out of bed and went to put the bottle in the microwave. He walked into the nursery where Caleb was lying in bed with his blue eyes wide open.

"Good morning Lil' Man," Elliot cooed to him. He reached his arms in and picked Caleb up, carrying him in his arms.

He carried Caleb into the kitchen with him and grabbed the bottle out of the microwave, testing it on his arm before giving it to him. When Caleb was sucking contently on the bottle he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch stifling a yawn. He realized how tired he was and he figured it was because he didn't get much sleep last night after coming back from Serena's house. He only went over there with intentions of Serena understanding what she was doing to Olivia. Instead Olivia just got mad at Elliot. He sighed to himself and thought about what he could do to make Olivia feel better.

When Caleb was finished with the bottle, Elliot propped him against his shoulder and patted him on the back until a small sound that was suppose to be a burp came out. Elliot sat him in his baby swing and took off back into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a jug of milk and a carton of eggs. He figured if Olivia wasn't happy after a good breakfast n bed than she wouldn't be happy at all. He took a skillet out of one of the cabinets and sat it on the back left burner on the stove. He cracked two eggs into it and grabbed a spatula from the drawer where they kept the silverware.

In the bedroom Olivia was just waking up to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. She rolled over to see that Elliot was already up and she figured he was taking care of Caleb. Since it was Sunday, Olivia had the day off and Elliot wasn't due at work for another two hours. She wasn't ready to get out of bed yet because she knew that Elliot would want to talk about last night and she didn't want to. She just wanted to forget about. She had just closed her eyes again when there was a light tap on the door and Elliot came walking in. He had a tray in his hand with a plate full of food and a glass of orange juice.

"I made you breakfast," he smiled sitting the tray down in front of her.

"El, this is great," she said sitting up, "Thank you."

Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as Olivia took a bite of her pancake. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia sighed and sat her fork down on her plate, "If that's the only reason you made me breakfast then you can take it back."

"Liv," he said keeping his voice calm, "I made you breakfast because you're my wife and I love you. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about your mother. About anything."

"I'm fine," she said picking her fork back up, "Really, I am."

Elliot turned his head and looked down the hallway. He didn't want to tell Olivia what he heard her say last night in her sleep. He wanted her to tell him willingly but, he could see that it wasn't going to happen.

"Liv," he said turning his head back toward her, "I heard you last night. You were crying in your sleep and you were begging someone to stop."

Olivia put her fork down again and swallowed the food she had in her mouth. She remained quiet and Elliot could tell that something was wrong.

"What were you dreaming about? Was it your mom?"

"Not really," Olivia said sadly, "It was about what she said… in the hospital when everything was… bad. She uh- she said she was going to get better for me but then it changed and she said she was sorry. She was working for them."

Elliot saw that Olivia was trying to keep her tears from spilling but she had been failing, "Who's them, Liv?"

"Harris and Rojas."

Elliot took the tray of food in front of Olivia and moved it onto the floor so he could sit closer to her. He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I don't know why this is happening," she cried, "It shouldn't be happening. They are locked up and… and I know that. I just- all this with my mom just brings back a lot of bad memories."

Elliot squeezed his arm around her tighter and kissed the top of her head, "If you're having nightmares again then maybe you should talk to Dr. Kelsey again."

Olivia sighed and pushed herself out of Elliot's embrace, "No. It's no big deal," she said again, "It was just a stupid nightmare. I'm fine."

Elliot knew better than to believe her but there was no time to get into it now. He had to leave for work or he would be late and the Captain was never late.

"I'll be home in time for dinner," Elliot said before giving her a quick kiss, "I love you."

When Olivia didn't say anything back to him Elliot felt a little heartbroken. He knew that she was probably just thinking about a lot of stuff but, her telling him she loved him was what always got him through the day. He sighed and continued his way toward the door, stopping to give Caleb a quick kiss on the cheek.

When Olivia heard the door shut she let her tears fall freely again. She knew that Elliot was right, she should talk to Dr. Kelsey again. The fact was that she didn't want to. She wanted to be in control of her own life and she didn't want to fall backward again. She kept telling herself that it was just one stupid nightmare and she wouldn't have one again. After she was sick of crying she wiped away he tears and went to spend some time with Caleb who was very happy to see his mom.

**She doesn't have to be mean to Elliot…**


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia had just put dinner in the oven, lasagna, and she walked back into the living room to play with Caleb who was sprawled out on a blanket on the floor. She picked up his blue rattle and was shaking it making Caleb giggle. There was a knock at the door and Olivia got up, wondering who would be visiting them. She looked through the peephole and sighed when she saw that it was her mother. She reached her hand for the chain lock to open but, stopped half way. She couldn't handle her mother right now and she didn't have anything she wanted to say to her. Olivia took a deep breath and darted her eyes back to Caleb who was still contently playing with the rattle.

"I know you're in there," Serena said from the other side of the door, "I heard you playing with Caleb. Look, I know I don't have any business here…" Serena stopped and forced the lump in her throat to go away, "I really need to talk to you."

"Mom," Olivia said feeling her temper flare, "I don't have anything to say to you."

"Olivia, please."  
Olivia rolled her eyes and finally went to move the chain lock, opening the door and letting Serena in. She gave Olivia a sad smile and only walked in a few steps.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked, keeping her eyes focused solely on Caleb.

"I'm sorry," she came right out and said, "What I did was wrong and… and I know that. I just need you to know that I'm sorry."

"You've been saying that to me my whole life," Olivia said quietly, "Every time you were sober. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I can't help it. I'll get better.' When does it stop? When do you actually live up to that?"

"I-"

"It doesn't matter," Olivia interrupted, "I'm sick and tired of waiting." Olivia could feel the burning in her eyes but she didn't dare cry. She wasn't going to show her mother weakness.

Serena sniffed, "If it's what you want then… then I'll go. I'll go and you won't ever have to see me again."

"If it's what I want?" Olivia spat, "You think I don't want you in my life? You're my mom! I love you regardless! I want you to get help! I want you to keep your word!"

Olivia bent over to pick Caleb up in her arms and give him his pacifier. Then she turned around to face Serena again who was leaning against the wall. "I want you to get better for your grandson," Olivia said smiling down at Caleb. "I thought you would but, you sure proved me wrong. He's not good enough for you… just like I wasn't." Olivia saw a drop fall onto Caleb's onesy and she realized she was crying. "Just get out."

"Olivia…"

"Get out," she said again, "Just leave. It's what you do best, right?"

Olivia didn't want to say the things that were coming out of her mouth. She loved her mother and all she wanted was for her mother to get better though. She could see that wasn't happening and she was tired of her hope getting thrown into the garbage like yesterday's old news.

Serena was still leaning up against the wall, clearly she had been hurt. She wasn't crying but she had that look in her eyes. That hurt look that she didn't want to show. When she saw that Olivia was taking off to her bedroom with Caleb in hand, she turned to walk away.

Olivia rocked Caleb in her arms until he was sound asleep when she laid him on her bed, between two pillows so he wouldn't roll off. She leaned up against the head board of the bed and let out a big sigh. She was so tired. Tired of wasting her time on things that were already broken. She was tired of wasting her time lying about the nightmares. It wasn't the first time they had happened. They had been going on for the past month. Ever since Olivia saw that Serena had a bottle of Vodka in one of her cabinets. Her dreams had changed though, it wasn't just Serena and it wasn't about just Harris and Rojas. It was both. They had been working together and they had ganged up on Olivia when she was all alone.

She looked down at Caleb who was smiling in his sleep and she realized that she had the best thing in the whole world. A husband who loved her no matter how messed up she was and a son who changed her whole world.

She leaned her head back and it hit the wall slightly. She tried to focus on the clock that hung on the far wall so she could count the minutes until Elliot would return home. She felt her vision getting blurred and she didn't wonder why. She knew she couldn't hold the tears in any longer. She felt betrayed. Then she thought back to earlier this morning when she didn't tell Elliot she loved him. She immediately felt guilty. Just because she was hurting didn't mean everybody else around her had to. She wasn't even sure if she was doing the right thing. Maybe everyone would just be happier if she left.

"Liv! Liv, where are you?"

"In here," Olivia said forcing those bad thoughts out of her head.

"Hey," Elliot smiled walking into the room. He started undoing his tie and walking over to his dresser drawers where he shoveled the clothes around looking for comfy clothes.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I loved you this morning," Olivia said walking up behind him and pulling his jacket of down his shoulders, "I do love you. More than you'll ever understand."

Elliot gave her a sad smile in the mirror where he was carefully watching her facial expressions.

"Stop," he said turning around, "This isn't what I want and I know it's not what you want. Why are we even arguing? We both love each other and we both want the best thing. Why is that so hard? Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

Elliot's face grew confused as he watched Olivia start laughing, "You're laughing?"

She nodded, "I just- I don't know why we're arguing either." For the first time all day she smiled, "I'm going to see Dr. Kelsey tomorrow. Nothing is wrong but, I just don't want us to argue. Okay?"

"Okay." He pulled her into his embrace and placed a gentle kiss on her neck.

"We haven't done this in a while," Olivia said tilting her head to the side.

Elliot giggled against the soft skin of her neck, "What do you say tonight… just you and me… that's all that matters."

Olivia bit her lip, "I'd like that but…"

"Oh no."

"The lasagna is probably burning."

Elliot chuckled again and pulled away from Olivia, "You better go check it then, huh?"

"Okay," Olivia said heading for the bedroom door, "I like that red tie."  
Elliot looked down at the tie in his hand, "Oh yeah?"

Olivia nodded, "And nothing else." Before Elliot could say anything Olivia was already headed into the kitchen to check on dinner. Elliot just looked back to the tie and shook his head. This was the wife that he loved to be around.

**Sometimes I think Olivia is crazy… but then I realized we all are in our way. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm not comfortable writing smut so… this is the best you get. **

Olivia took a deep breath and smiled into the darkness as she watched Elliot walk into the room from the bathroom. He was wearing nothing besides the red tie that Olivia had loved so much and he was headed toward the bed.

"How does it look?" Elliot asked sitting down next to her.

Olivia bit her bottom lip trying to stop the smile from forming, "It looks… like it wants to play."  
"Well," Elliot said crawling on top of Olivia and steadily unbuttoning her shirt, "Caleb's asleep and I have nothing else to do."

Olivia looked into Elliot's ocean blue eyes and she the sparkle in them. She reached her hand up to his face and traced her fingers down his cheek. "I want to play too," she whispered seductively.

The night before had gone surprisingly well for Olivia. After her and Elliot spent their time together they both had a peaceful sleep. There were no nightmares and no cries from the baby.

"Good morning," Elliot said in a chipper voice, "How did you sleep?"

"Good," Olivia said climbing out of bed, "Pretty good."

"Caleb did too," Elliot said placing Caleb into her arms.

Olivia looked down at the small infant and smiled, "Good morning Peanut," she said in her baby speaking voice.

"Peanut?"

"Yeah," Olivia answered casually, "He's kind of shaped like a Peanut."  
Elliot laughed and then shook his head at how weird his wife had just sounded. "I have to go in to work for a couple of hours today and then I figured we could go to the zoo or something. Take Caleb for an evening out on the town."

"Sounds nice," Olivia said as she worked fast to change Caleb's diaper.

"Alright," Elliot said as he finished to put his work clothes on, "See you later." He walked over to her and gave her a kiss that was just as passionate as the one they shared on their wedding day.

"Love you," she called after him.

He turned around, "Love you too."

Olivia spent the day how she normally did when Elliot had to work and she stayed home with Caleb. She played with him the best she could for him being still a baby and then she fed him and changed his diaper and rocked him in her arms. He was truly her pride and joy. When it was time for one of Caleb's naps, she placed him in his baby swing and turned it onto low so it would sing a little while Caleb was asleep. She crawled onto the couch and tuned the TV on flipping through the channels for something to watch.

When nothing else was on that interested her she stopped on the news channel. "We have just received word that an older woman, late forties, early fifties, has just been announced dead. Witnesses say she was stumbling around and running into things before she fell down the stairs at a nearby subway station.

Olivia grew panicked and swiftly jumped off the couch, rushing to her bedroom to grab her cell phone from her pocket.

_One Missed Call from Mom._

Olivia felt her heart beating faster, almost as if it were trying to escape from her chest. She dialed the number to her mother's phone and waited not so patiently for her to answer. When it went to voicemail Olivia grew upset. If her mother was the one to fall then it would have been her fault. If only she hadn't said those hateful things to her the day before. If only she had answered her phone.

Before Olivia could think to do anything else, her phone started ringing. She looked at the caller I.D in hope that it was her mom. _Elliot_.

"Hello?" Olivia answered.

"Liv, I have some bad news…"

This was it. "It's my mother, isn't it?"

Elliot sighed, "Yes," he said sadly, "How did you know?"

"I saw the news."  
"I'm sorry," Elliot said in his sympathetic and caring voice, "I'm so sorry."

Olivia could feel her throat starting to burn and the pool of tears flooded her eyes, "You have to get back to work," she said in an uneven voice, "I'll be okay. You just… you go work."

"I can come home," Elliot said, "You need me right now."

"I'm fine," Olivia said, "Really."

Elliot didn't want to believe her but, there was no way he would be able to leave work at the moment. He rubbed his temple with his free hand and then told Olivia that he loved her and he would see her as soon as he got home.

Olivia sat her cell phone back on the table and sat down on the edge of the bed. She couldn't believe it. After all these years of fighting with her mother, she was finally free. Her mother was finally dead. Olivia didn't know if she was happy or sad and suddenly she felt guilty. She knew it wasn't her mother's fault that she was the way she was. Olivia understood why her mother had became an alcoholic once she started working with SVU. She saw people like that almost everyday.

Back at the precinct, Elliot's heart went out for Olivia. He knew that she would be upset and he wished he could be there to comfort her. He on the other hand wasn't sure how he felt. He knew that Olivia was having nightmares again and that they were caused by Serena. Maybe now Olivia would be able to move on with her life. Maybe now all her bad memories would go away. He sighed when he realized what he was saying. Of course he wasn't happy that Serena was dead, he wouldn't wish that on anybody… except maybe a few bastard rapists here and there.

"Serena Benson didn't die from falling," Melinda said walking into Elliot's office and pulling him out of his thoughts, "I'm ruling it a homicide."

"Don't cry honey," Olivia said as she held Caleb tightly in her arms and tried to rock him to sleep. He had been fussy for awhile now and he was refusing to eat anything. Olivia thought it was just because fate was always against her. Caleb let out a loud scream for a tiny baby and Olivia started crying too. She had had enough. She couldn't handle it anymore. "Caleb, please stop crying sweetie. I wish I knew what was wrong. I knew I wasn't going to be a good mother… Peanut, what's the matter? Does your tummy hurt?"

Olivia moved Caleb to where he was leaning against her shoulder and she rubbed on his back with her hand. She had remembered someone telling her that when babies became fussy and wouldn't eat it was almost always because they needed to be burped.

"Please," Olivia pleaded.

**Soooooo thank you for the amazing support with the reviews you guys! Someone was worried about smut… I don't do well with writing that but, I try my best to give you some stuff and you can use your imagination for the rest. Also my plan isn't a 'Olivia is so depressed she doesn't love Elliot' story. She does love him very much and Elliot loves her but, they may have arguments that prove to them how much they really do care. That's all, have a nice day**


	7. Chapter 7

"Check again," Elliot said to Melinda, "You have to check again."

Melinda sighed and flung the papers that she was carrying around in her hand, "  
I'll do it," she said, "But only because Olivia is my friend."

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Yeah, yeah."

Olivia had given Caleb some medicine that was suppose to help with tummy troubles and shortly after that Caleb had fallen asleep. She placed him in his crib and then went to lay down herself on the couch. She didn't bother to turn the lights on, even though the moon was coming out and it was getting dark. She had all these thoughts running through her head and she just couldn't get them to go away. She tried to sing a song to take her mind off her mother but, all the lyrics she managed to remember somehow brought her back into her thoughts. She finally got up and waltzed into the kitchen looking for something to drink. She was parched and the only think they had was lemonade. She wasn't a big fan of lemonade but Elliot seemed to like it. She shut the refrigerator door and and walked over to the cabinet above the stove. There was a bottle of red wine sitting there. She thought about drinking it but she knew that wasn't going to solve any of her problems. She slammed the cabinet doors shut and sighed, walking back to the fridge and pouring herself a glass of lemonade.

Elliot was making his way home and he was surprised at how little traffic was on the streets. He was ready to get home and crawl into bed with Olivia and give his son a goodnight kiss. It took him shorter than usual to get home and when he did he put all of his things away and walked over to the couch where he saw Olivia lying.

"Liv?" he asked, "Are you okay?"

He heard Olivia make a sound and he was sure she was crying. He turned one of the lamps on that were next to the couch and sat down in front of her. "Hey," he said placing his hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

She brought her head out from the hiding of her hands and looked Elliot in the eyes. Her eyes were a glossy red and tears were still pouring from them. Elliot felt a little piece of his heart break.

"Everything is so screwed up," Olivia said through her tears. She took a moment to try and calm herself but nothing seemed to work so she continued, "I was having nightmares. Before she died. Dr. Kelsey said it was because I associated my mom with bad memories and whenever I thought of a bad memory I always think back to what happened."

"Olivia," Elliot said tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, "Nothing that happened was your fault. Not your mother and not Rojas or Harris."

Olivia shook her head as she sat up, "You don't understand!" she cried, "My mother is dead. You and Caleb are all I have left and I'm so screwed up, I can't even be there when you guys need me!"

Elliot was taken back by what Olivia had said. He knew she was under a lot of stress and yet she was still worried about everyone else. He should have seen that one coming.

"Caleb is so lucky to have a mom like you," Elliot said, "He loves you so much. You can see it when he looks at you and he just smiles. I love you too, so much. You are allowed to be worried and stressed and anything else you might be. At the end of the day, both of us are still going to love you."

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I just want to move on," she said, "I just want to forget about it all."

Elliot gave her a sad smile, "How about we order a pizza and we talk about this later?"

"Okay," Olivia said quietly.

"Okay."

Forty-five minutes later and the pizza man finally showed up with the large veggie pizza that Elliot had called in. He paid the delivery man and then shut the door, carrying the hot box over to the coffee table in the living room.

"One veggie pizza," Elliot said handing Olivia a paper plate.

"Thanks."

They both took two pieces of pizza out of the box and sat them on their own plates.

"I talked to Dr. Kelsey today," Olivia said quietly.

"Yeah?"

Olivia nodded, "She says it would be a good idea if I went to see her three times a week."

"Sounds like a good idea," Elliot agreed, "Is that what you want?"

Olivia sighed, "Not really but, it's what I need."

"I think it will be good for you," he said shoving a bite of pizza in his mouth.

"I just want all of this behind me. I want to focus on us and Caleb."

"I know," Elliot said, "But it takes time. Plus, I know you love me." Elliot grinned from ear to ear.

"I do," Olivia said finishing off her pizza, "So very much."

"What do you say we save the rest of this pizza for later and we take this to the bedroom?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip and nodded. Elliot picked her up off the couch and carried her in his arms into the bedroom where he shut the door behind him.

"Damn Liv," Elliot said, "Have you been working out?"

Olivia laughed, "No."

"Sure fooled me." Elliot unbuttoned Olivia's shirt as best he could and pulled it off of her. He started kissing her chest and working his way down her stomach leaving a trail of them behind.

"Feels good doesn't it?" Elliot asked.

All of a sudden Olivia's body stopped. Elliot looked down at her and saw the fearful look in her eyes.

_ "Feels good doesn't it?" Lowell teased, "If you would have just let me the first time you wouldn't be in this situation." He looked down at the body beneath him and saw that she wasn't crying anymore. She wasn't moving at all. He quickly pulled himself out of her and put his pants back on. "Oh shit." He could hear the police sirens nearing outside and he started to panic. He didn't plan on killing her so soon, he didn't have a plan yet. He searched around the building and ran out of the back door before the cops could catch him, leaving Olivia alone on the cold floor. _

She could feel it beneath her like she was still there, bleeding out. She could feel the cold hard floor hurting her back and Lowell's voice just kept ringing in her ears.

"Olivia! Olivia! It's me! It's Elliot! Olivia, you're safe! It's not happening!"

Olivia started breathing heavily as she snapped back into reality. "I'm sorry," she cried rushing toward the bathroom, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry."


	8. Chapter 8

** Thank you guys for the wonderful reviews. You really are the best. (This chapter isn't fr the faint of heart. Reader discretion is advised.)**

"Olivia." Elliot was standing outside the bathroom trying to talk Olivia into talking to him. He figured she had had a flashback but he wasn't sure. He felt bad and thought that it was his fault. "Liv, please talk to me."

"I'm sorry," he heard her say.

"Liv," he said a little louder this time, "It wasn't your fault. Just please. Talk to me."

He head footsteps coming from the other side of the door and then he heard the lock being messed with. She pulled the door open and looked Elliot in the eyes. Her eyes were red and puffy and he could tell that she had been crying hard.

"I had a flashback." Her voice was barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! I'm so sorry." Olivia was hysterical and Elliot didn't know what to do to help her.

"This isn't your fault," he said it gently and in a loving tone, "Come here." He reached his arms out and wrapped them tightly around her. "It's okay. It'll be okay."

"No it won't," she whispered through her tears, "It won't be okay. I can't keep doing this. It can't keep happening."

"Liv-"

"What if I have one while I'm watching Caleb? What then?"

"If you keep going to see Dr. Kelsey, then it won't happen. You just have to believe that. I'm always going to be here when you need me Olivia. You're not alone."

"I sure feel like," she mumbled.

Elliot sighed, "She this is what I'm talking about! This is what pisses me off the most!You don't ever let anyone help you! You need the help Olivia so just take it!" he stormed off down the hallway walking back into their bedroom and threw himself on the bed. Sometimes he couldn't understand why Olivia had to be so hardheaded. He was mad at himself for blowing up on her like that but she needed to hear it.

Ten minutes had passed and Elliot could hear Olivia's footsteps entering the room.

"I would say I'm sorry but, I don't think that's what you want to hear," she said standing in the doorway, "I am sorry though and I don't know why this is happening but, what I do know is I love my family and I don't want to lose that. So, yes. I'm sorry. I'll go see Dr. Kelsey again tomorrow." She turned to walk away but Elliot got out of bed and gently grabbed her arm to turn her around. Both of his hands rested on the side of her face as his lips connected with hers.

"I didn't mean to yell," he said pulling away, "I just want you to get help. I can't keep watching you like this."

Olivia gazed down at the floor, "I know," she said quietly.

"We can find Caleb a daycare during the day so you can see Dr. Kelsey and then you can come back to work," he said rambling on.

"El," she sighed moving out of front of him and crawling into bed, "We have talked about this. I don't want him in daycare."

"You don't really have a choice." He didn't want to say it but he knew it was the only way she would ever agree to it.

She remained silent for a few minutes before telling him she was tired and was going to sleep. She was tired but she wasn't sleepy. She closed her eyes anyways. She wished that Elliot understood what she was going through. She was overcome with all of these old fears all of the time and she didn't know why they were back. She thought she had left the past the past but somehow it always comes back to haunt her. She hated that because of her problems her and Elliot were arguing more and she just wanted it to be over. She wanted everyone to be happy.

When she knew that Elliot was for sure asleep she quietly climbed out of bed and walked down the hallway to Caleb's room. The yellow light was shining from the small lamp in the corner of the room and giving her the light to see. She peered over the crib and smiled at how sweetly Caleb was sleeping. His little mouth was open just a little bit and his pacifier was hanging out of the side.

"I know you don't understand," Olivia began, "You're still so young. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe all of this will be over by the time you are old enough to understand. I remember the first week me and your Dad brought you home from the hospital. We hardly slept because we were so amused by watching you sleep. You were the best thing that had ever happened to us." Olivia smiled at the memory. "I'll always love you Caleb." She reached into the crib and ran her fingers gently down his little cheek. A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought about was she was about to do. "It's better this way," she whispered as she kissed Caleb on the top of his head and then quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

She was in the living room now looking around for a notebook and something to write with. Finally she found some paper and her favorite blue pen. She sat down on the couch and started writing, letting the words flow as fast as her tears.

_I don't know what I'm doing anymore. All I know is that I'm making your life miserable and I can't live with that. I know you will take care of Caleb. You're a great father and I know that Caleb loves you. Maybe you can tell him about me one day. The good things about me; the not so messed up. I'm sorry I couldn't be the wife you always wanted. I'm sorry our marriage couldn't last longer. Just know that I love you. I love you more than anything. You and Caleb mean the world to me and that's why I did what I had to do. I hope you can forgive me._

_ With all my heart,_

_ Olivia._

She couldn't stop the tears now as she read the piece of paper over and over again. Somehow she knew she was making a mistake but, she couldn't think about herself when there were other people involved.

She tore the paper out of the notebook and sat it on the table. Her tears now stained the page and she hoped they dried by the time Elliot saw it. She took a deep breath and angrily swat at her tears. She got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen where the kept the safe locked up. She turned the knob around to the correct combination and finally yanked it open. She had a choice to make and she didn't have long to make it. The gun was right there. Both of them. She could end all of her pain right now. She took another deep breath and wiped again at her never-ending tears. She closed her eyes tight and all she picture was Elliot and Caleb. She could see Elliot trying to explain to Caleb what happened when he was older. It made her seem like a bad mom and that was something she didn't want. She shook her head because it didn't seem real. She didn't see how it could come down to this. She opened her eyes and a sob escaped her lips. She heard Elliot moving around in bed and she knew she had to make the decision. His footsteps were getting closer but she just couldn't bring herself to do anything. Suddenly she was frozen.

"Olivia." It was a simple name escaping from Elliot's mouth. She could hear the worry in his voice. The tears that were coating his throat. She couldn't turn around. She couldn't look at him.

Another sob escaped from her and it made Elliot shutter.

"Liv," he said trying to sound all put together, "Turn around, Liv. Look at me. It's okay. You don't have to do this. We can help you Olivia. Think about it. Think about Caleb. Think about me. What about me? Liv, you can't do this."

She squeezed her eyes close and clumsily turned around. She opened them and that's when Elliot's heart completely snapped. Her eyes were red and puffy and tears were streaming down her face. He had never seen her cry that hard. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. His own eyes were glossing up now.

"Put the gun back, Liv. Just talk to me, okay? Please. Just talk to me. Just put the gun down."


	9. Chapter 9

"I h-have messed up everything," Olivia continued to sob, "You and Caleb don't deserve me. You deserve better! You shouldn't have to always take care of me and worry about me."

"Olivia, we deserve you. I love you and I don't mind taking care of you. That's what people who love each other do. Caleb needs you. You're his mother. He needs you. He needs his mom."

"He needs someone who isn't insane," Olivia cried raising the gun to her head.

"Olivia," Elliot cried, "Please don't do this! Please!"

"I can't do it anymore," she cried squeezing her eyes closed.

"Yes you can Liv," he whispered, "You're the toughest person I know. You can do anything. You are so, so strong. Olivia, look at me. Open your eyes."

Olivia opened her eyes and caught Elliot's gaze. She knew she couldn't pull the trigger. She couldn't do that to Elliot and she couldn't do that to Caleb. She dropped the gun to the floor and dropped to her knees. Her sobs were racked and she hid her face in her hands.

Elliot sighed of relief and walked over to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I love you Olivia. I love you."

Olivia just kept crying. She rested her head against Elliot's shoulder and they stayed that way until early in the morning.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I think I need help."

"We will get you help," he said carefully, "We are going to get you better. Don't worry about that."  
"I don't know what I was thinking," she continued to say, "I was just so angry and upset and..."

"I know," Elliot interrupted, "You don't have to explain anything."

Olivia took in a deep shaky breath and let it all out, "I'm scared."

"It's okay to be scared," Elliot said squeezing her shoulder, "It really is."

"I don't know how I got like this," she said quietly, "I've just been dealing with a lot lately."

"I know," Elliot said, "It's a lot to deal with and anyone under all of that stress would probably have the same problems as you. But you're strong and you're going to get through it. I'm going to help."

Olivia looked up and caught Elliot's gaze, "I wouldn't have done it," she said with her tears flowing again, "I couldn't leave you. I couldn't leave Caleb."

Elliot let out a sigh of relief, he hadn't known what was going through her mind at the time she had the gun to her head. All he knew was that Olivia was at her breaking point and he couldn't let her do that to herself.

"Do you want to go into the living room and watch TV or something? Take your mind off of it for a while?"

Olivia nodded. They walked to the couch together and Elliot sat down first letting Olivia rest against him. He clicked the button on the remote to turn the TV on and the news was on.

"Breaking news," the reporter said, "A bomb was managed to get into the jail and blow the back wall off. Several prisoners have escaped and now all the police in NYPD have been alerted and are en route. We are looking for the man who caused all of his…"

"It's a shame," Olivia said looking up to Elliot.

"If you know anything about Rojas Santiago, please call our tip lines."

Elliot felt Olivia's body stiffen up just by touching her shoulder, "Liv?"

Her eyes were wide with fear and her heart was hammering inside her chest. If she had pulled that trigger earlier she wouldn't be going through this now. It would have been over and Rojas wouldn't have had to let several criminals escape out of jail.

"He'll kill me," she mumbled, "He'll kill me if I don't do it first." Olivia jumped off the couch and ran back into the kitchen where the gun was lying on the counter. Elliot chased after her but stopped cold in his tracks when she had to her head again.

"I'm sorry! I love you and I love Caleb! You guys are everything to me but, I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't. I'm so sorry. Please tell Caleb that I loved him and that I always will."

"Olivia, you don't have to do this. We're the best detectives in Manhattan. We can find him and it'll all be over."

Olivia shook her head, "I'm sorry."

Just like that she pulled the trigger and the gun fired. Blood was splattered everywhere and Elliot lost it. He was sobbing now as he looked down at the mess in front of him. "Liv… Olivia…" He suddenly felt angry that he couldn't save her and he wanted more than anything to rewind the clock. The crimson red was splattered all over the kitchen and Olivia's body lay in the middle of it against the white tile floor. Caleb was crying now from the loud sound and there was no way Elliot could bring him in there to see this. He reached his phone out of his pocket and called 911, still in shock.

Olivia had shot herself in the chest, just by where her heart was. Elliot figured it was because the heart was the one to control all your emotions and when it was broke, it couldn't be repaired. That's what Olivia had said to him once and now he understood. He didn't think he would ever be able to get that sight out of his head.

EMT's flooded their apartment and pushed Elliot back against the wall and out of the way.

"There might still be a chance," one of them said quickly, "She missed the heart."

Elliot felt all of his blood run cold, still had a chance. He kept hearing those words over and over again. Still have a chance.

The EMTs lifted Olivia onto a gurney and packed the wound with gauze to try and slow the bleeding. "She'll be at Mercy Hospital," one of them told Elliot, "She'll need emergency surgery but, there is still a chance here."

Caleb was still crying from the bedroom and Elliot didn't know if he could do it. He couldn't look Caleb in the eyes right now. He knew he would lose it.


	10. Chapter 10

**First off, I just want to take the time to say, this story & Now or Never have NOTHING to do with each other. So, the 'guest' who comments on everybody's fanfictions hating Olivia, can get on with their life. How do you sleep at night? Does bashing other people make you feel better? You need some serious counseling. And with that said, I'm done wasting perfect writing space to reply to you. **

"Rojas didn't even make it out off the premises of the jail. They found him right after the newscast," Elliot was standing beside Olivia's hospital bed holding Caleb with tears prominent in his eyes. "How could you do this Olivia? How could you leave Caleb? How could you leave me...?"

Olivia couldn't talk due to the breathing tube that was still in her throat but Elliot knew she was listening because she wasn't able to look him in the eye.

"I know how much hell you have been through in the past few years Liv, but you need you need to realize that you aren't the only person in this equation anymore. You have a son and after all of those years where you talked about wanting a child, you go and do this?" Elliot looked down at Caleb who had just fallen asleep in his arms and he smiled.

"I try to understand why you did it and... I can't. You have everything you've ever wanted and you didn't even think about what you were doing. You didn't think how you being dead would effect Caleb and you damn well didn't think about how it would effect me."

Elliot looked up and he could see the tears falling freely down Olivia's face and how much her eyes were pleading at him with forgiveness.

"Your doctor said you would be fine. A couple weeks of recovery and you will be back to normal." He didn't say anything else before walking out of the hospital room and leaving the door to slam shut behind him.

"It'll be alright, Buddy," Elliot whispered to Caleb as he started to squirm around after being put in his car seat. "It'll be okay."

Elliot wasn't sure that all would be okay though. He was relieved that Olivia came out of surgery alright but, seeing that she was safe made him a little pissed. He was pissed that she would just take her life like that when things got tough. She hadn't even cared that little Caleb was just in the room next to the kitchen sound asleep. She didn't care that he had been standing there in tears trying to talk her out of it. She didn't even care that she had left him with the image in his head of her lying on the floor surrounded in blood.

Cragen had heard what when down with Olivia and he had first stopped to talk to Elliot about he was doing. They had long conversation about how he didn't know if he could do it anymore and how he was thinking about taking Caleb and leaving town. Cragen had talked some sense into him and told him that running away wasn't going to cause anything and that it was the same thing that he was mad at Olivia for. Now he was making his way to the hospital to talk to Olivia.

"How are you feeling?" he asked pulling the plastic chair closer to the bed and sitting down.

Olivia shrugged, "Elliot hates me."

"I don't think he hates you," Cragen informed, "But, can you blame him? You were going to just leave your family because of a little shake up?"

"I wasn't thinking..."

"You're right. You weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about the fact that Elliot was left with the image of you lying on the kitchen floor in his head. You didn't think about the fact that Caleb was awake in his room screaming and crying."

Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "He's never going to forgive me."

Cragen shrugged, "Maybe not."

"What I do?" The words came out in a voice barely above a whisper that cracked towards the end.

"You get help," he answered, "I've called a few places and they are willing to work with you one on one. There is lady, her name is Marissa King and she says it's best if you come to her facility up in Queens until you can figure everything out."

Olivia nodded, "When?"

"I talked to your doctor earlier and he says you can be out of here tomorrow. I think it's best you go straight there."

"Can you tell Elliot for me? I don't think he wants to talk to me..."

"Call him," Cragen instructed, "He'll answer."

Olivia sighed and reached to the table next to her where the hospital phone was sitting. She picked it up and dialed Elliot's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Olivia said, "It's me..."

Elliot didn't say anything.

"I'm going away for awhile," Olivia went on to say, "I'm going to get help. I know that you're angry with me and you have every right to be but, I just thought I'd tell you. I'm leaving tomorrow... around noon..."

"Good luck."

The dial tone sounded and Olivia stared crying. She hung the phone back up and placed it back on the table without meeting Cragen's gaze.

"So?"

"He said good luck."

* * *

Cragen nodded and then he said his goodbyes and told her that he would be back tomorrow to take her to the facility.

It was the next morning and the doctor had cleared Olivia out of the hospital. He told her to take it easy. Elliot had surprisingly showed up with Cragen and he even brought Caleb along. They walked in together and Olivia was surprised to see them.

"I figured you would want to see Caleb before you left," Elliot said handing him over to her.

"Hi, Sweetheart," she said to him, "Mommy's going to go away for awhile but, she's going to get better. I love you Caleb."

She handed Caleb back over to Elliot and wiped her tears. "You know I may not understand why you did what you did but, that doesn't mean I don't love you. It just means you owe me a lot of explanation."

"I know," Olivia said quietly, "You're right."

Elliot sighed and shifted his weight onto his right side, "I want you to get better."  
Olivia nodded, "I will. I promise."

Cragen cleared his throat and Olivia knew that it was time to go. She didn't know how long she would be away for but she did know that she would miss her family.

"Bye," Elliot waved.

"Bye."


	11. Chapter 11

It had been two weeks and Elliot didn't know how much longer he could take it. He had enrolled Caleb in daycare so he would still be able to keep his job and everyday at 6 o'clock he would pick him and take him home. It had become a routine to pick him, take him home, feed him, give him a bath, and put him to bed. He hardly ever had time to just spend time with him. He tried not to think about Olivia too often and how she was doing. Whenever the thoughts popped into his head he just had to sweep them away. He missed Olivia and he prayed every night that she would get better. That didn't stop his anger toward her though. One night he couldn't control his rage.

"Damn it, Olivia!" He threw the remote in his hand toward the wall causing a picture of him and Olivia to crash to the floor. "How could you do this?!" He buried his face in his hands and let his tears fall. He just didn't understand how people could leave their family like she had tried to do. He didn't know if he would ever get passed it.

Three weeks had passed now and Elliot still hadn't heard from Olivia. He talked to Cragen and Cragen had been kind enough to inform him that Olivia was doing well and it was looking good for her to get out soon. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He wasn't sure how he would feel when Olivia came back.

"I finally have a day off," Elliot smiled at Caleb who was now starting to crawl around on the floor.

Caleb cooed as he scooted his way across the carpet and over to a toy car that had been laying around. "What do you want to do today? Go to the park? Stay home?" Elliot had realized that Caleb wasn't going to answer him and he laughed at himself. "The park it is."

He went into the nursery to grab the diaper bag off the back of the door and emptied the old clothes to put in new ones. He out in a new onesy and a sippy cup filled with fresh apple juice. Then he made sure to pack extra diapers and a few toys in case Caleb got fussy in the car.

They were just about to walk out of the door when there was a knock. Elliot sat Caleb down on the floor and dropped the diaper bag off his shoulder. He didn't even look through the peephole because he didn't think about it.

"Liv?"

Olivia smiled, "I get to come home," she said happily, "If you'll let me."

Elliot's mouth was dry and he didn't know what to say. He was more than happy that Olivia was safe but he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about what went down. He opened the door up further and motioned for Olivia to walk in.

"So uh, you're all better?"

"Marsha said that I would still have to see a therapist twice a month but, yeah. I'm better."

Elliot nodded, "Caleb's crawling now."

Olivia looked over to the living room where Caleb was just exploring around on the floor and keeping his self entertained.

"He's gotten so big," Olivia sad sadly, "I really missed a lot."

"Yeah," Elliot said sitting down on the couch, "You would have missed a lot more if you would have died..."

Olivia's smile disappeared, "I know that you can never forget what happened... and if you don't want to get back together with me, then I can understand but, I love you and I love Caleb. I was realized while I was away how much you guys mean to me and how stupid I was to even attempt to do what I did. I uh- I really am sorry." Her voice cracked as she kept on talking and a million things were running through Elliot's mind.

"I love you too," he finally whispered. They looked up at each other and both of smiled despite their tears. Elliot through his arms around her and pulled her in for a big hug. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," Olivia said, "Really." When she pulled away she walked straight over to Caleb and picked him up. "Hi, Sweetie! Mommy missed you! Yes she did! You've gotten so big!"

"We were just about to go to the park," Elliot said picking up the diaper bag, "Care to join us?"

"I'd love to."

Things picked up in Elliot and Olivia's life and finally they were able to have their ever after. They never forgot the bad times but they tried their hardest to create new times. Good times. Elliot knew he wouldn't be able to leave Olivia even after all that happened. He had to much love and he vowed to love her for better or for worse.

"Happy birthday!"

Olivia lit the candles on the birthday cake and carried it into the kitchen where all their friends were gathered around Caleb at the kitchen table. They sang happy birthday and Elliot had to help Caleb blow out the candles. Caleb had his own small cake and he dug right into it, slinging cake all around him. He had orange icing all around his face. Olivia took as many pictures as she could because she wanted to remember the day forever.

"I can't believe he's one," Olivia whispered to Elliot when they were finally alone.

"It's been one hell of a year," Elliot said taking a sip of his wine.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed, "There's many more to come."

Elliot smiled and sat his glass down on the counter top. He placed his hands around Olivia's waist and pulled her close to him, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips and life went on...

**This story could have been longer but, due to some people who can't help but be rude, it had to end. In real life, I'm sure any husband who experienced something like that would have been more furious and he had the right. This story could have had a worse ending but, if you haven't noticed already, I'm a sucker for happy endings. So thank you to all who have read and enjoyed!**


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